Welcome to our podcast’s starter kit – a curated collection of our community’s favorite discussions on faith, sexuality, and masculinity.
We don’t all agree with one another, and you may not agree with everything you hear. We invite you to enter each of our episodes with a spirit of curiosity. Disagreeing is acceptable; if you leave a comment, please be respectful.
Recommended YOB ConvoCast Series
Where do we live, and how do we live there? Join us as we explore our community’s various life stages and living situations, including how we find a home in our faith and sexuality.
How do we identify in our sexuality? Where do we share similar proclivities, and where do we differ? Join us as we explore a diverse array of sexualities within our community.
How does our Enneagram type impact our sexuality, and vice versa? Join us as we dial around the Enneagram in our community, exploring how personality and sexuality intersect.
Our ConvoCast was born in the early days of the pandemic! Join Tom as he checks in with our community members around the world during those unprecedented times.
Recommended YOBcast Episodes
After six years we finally arrive at our 100th YOBcast episode! Tom is joined alongside a super-sized cast of Ryan, Aaron, Ben, and Will to commemorate the occasion, recounting favorite jokes, guests, topics, and moments together from the last 100 episodes. We also hear from a slew of listeners (including our favorite guest) and respond to all the feedback! Here's to 100 more, fellow sparrows. Couldn't still be here without you all.
After a summer of Enneagram ConvoCasts, we’re back with a new YOBcast! It's a two-part episode where we dive into some stories in Scripture that speak to us as SSA/LGBT+ people of faith wrestling with these matters of sexuality and masculinity. For Part 1, Tom is joined by Ben and Will to discuss Hagar, Rahab, the woman at the well, and the early church.
Many gay or SSA folks experience a delayed or second adolescence in adulthood after keeping our sexuality secret in our first adolescence when we unconsciously adapted to the heteronormative culture around us. When we finally do find safe masculine circles, whether within YOB or elsewhere, conversational topics like sex or masturbation, or shared male experiences like nudity and cuddling hold great appeal – if not laced with some of that adolescent immaturity or a tinge (or bucketload) of obsession.
As people of faith attracted to the same sex, we’ve learned to wait – and wait, and still wait. During this season of Advent, we connect our waiting for Christmas to our waiting for redemption, completeness, and peace. We share our histories with Advent, or lack thereof, both past and present, including our Christmas traditions. As we shift to our sexuality, we hold both our tension and our hope – our expectant waiting – with each hand.
June is widely recognized as LGBT+ Pride Month. How do we as Jesus-followers engage with Pride Month – or is it even ours to engage with? How do we participate or spectate this month as gay/SSA believers with a traditional sexual ethic? Is there a place for us at this table and a space for us to be proud? Join Tom, Ryan, and Aaron for a discussion on Pride Month. Have we ever been to Pride, or would we ever go to Pride? And what would be our motivations for doing so?
Is masturbation sinful? What if it's done without lusting? Is masturbation "solo-sex" or "self-sex," and does it breech God's design for sexuality? What does the Bible have to say, if anything, about masturbation? Masturbation isn't an oft discussed topic in Christian circles, with many folks describing their childhood discovery of masturbation as if they had been the first ones ever to discover such a secret bodily pleasure. As a result of this secrecy, masturbation has produced a lot of shame for men and women. Regardless where you land on this issue, we want to break down this shame.
Gregory Coles joins us for a conversation on belonging as we discuss his new book, No Longer Strangers: Finding Belonging in a World of Alienation. We learn some of Greg’s story, growing up as a missionary’s kid in Indonesia, and his winding journey of geographical and cultural belonging in the United States. We also talk to Greg about the aftermath of coming out in his first book, Single, Gay, Christian, including the beauty and challenges that decision has brought him. We dive into the Jesus-inspired concept of bringing belonging to others, and how sexual minorities may find belonging in the Church.
What even is attraction? Is it only physical, sexual, and romantic? Or is it something more? Something that can be platonic yet intimate, something more nuanced and layered? Join Tom, Ryan, and Jacob for a discussion on attraction: the varying types of attraction, the difference between physical and sexual attraction, and whether it’s okay to experience attraction – even romantic – for your friends.
Bill Henson of Lead Them Home, Posture Shift, and Guiding Families joins Tom, Ryan, and Dean for a special guest discussion on loving LGBT+ people – both inside and outside the Church. How do we better understand LGBT-identifying people or those who experience same-sex attraction, and how do we love them well?
It only took us 64 episodes to talk about celibacy! Join Tom, Ryan, and Jacob for a discussion on sex, singleness, marriage, healthy sexuality, and this mystical notion of "calling." How many of us feel "called to celibacy"?
After a months-long hiatus of the show, Tom updates everyone on his new medical condition. Ryan and Jacob also join the show to share moments of gratitude from these last few months of the coronavirus pandemic. Additionally, the guys look back on their entire lives and recount moments of gratitude in their journeys with faith, homosexuality, and masculinity.
Have you ever felt lonely within your sexuality? Do you choose loneliness or does loneliness choose you? Extroverted or introverted, do you embrace regular solitude, treating it as a spiritual practice? Join Tom, Ryan, and Jacob for a discussion on the divergence of loneliness and solitude. We talk about the healthy and not-so-healthy ways we cope with loneliness and how we seek out solitude. Additionally, we talk about the dynamic of living alone or with others as single gay/SSA men, forecasting our living situations for the decades to come.
Do we talk about pornography too much as the Church or not nearly enough? Do we "talk about talking about" pornography or do we actually talk about it? Pornography is more accessible than ever before and, increasingly, more aggressive. It's a struggle and an addiction that has reached and claimed all people: gay, straight, men, and women. Join Tom, Ryan, and Jacob as we take a deep dive into the science and story of pornography. It's one of our classic episodes that we're reopening in a new way.
It's an undoubtedly difficult season for many in our community, and we talk about singleness during the holidays: the disconnect, the loneliness, and the finding of hope and joy when hope and joy may feel so far away. Tom, Ryan, and Jacob share their stories of holidays past and present, answering some listener questions along the way, including the concept of spending the holidays with chosen family versus blood family, and whether we've ever been asked if we've found that "special lady" yet.
For better or worse, we all start with families of origin. But what of this concept of families of choice? A chosen family that goes beyond blood and DNA? Join Tom, Ryan, and Jacob for a discussion on chosen family: what it means for the LGBTQ+ community, what it means for believers, and what it means for this overlap of communities in YOB and beyond.
Pull up a chair as Tom talks about the recent decision to remove our first 39 podcast episodes. Join Tom, Ryan, Jacob, and Dean for a vulnerable conversation on letting go. Letting go of people, letting go of the past, and letting go of the future. Because if we can't let go of old things, how can we ever let new things in? Before we dive into the nitty-gritty, we talk about Tom's Lenten "masturbation cleanse," his recent trip to a monastery, the "perfect friend date," and possibly rebranding our new hit intro segment, "The Brother Beat"?
Intimacy is scary, and intimacy is vulnerable. Intimacy can be shared or rejected. Intimacy is special and sacred, and intimacy is everyday. Intimacy is sexual and emotional, physical and spiritual. Join Tom, Ryan, and Jacob in the first of a two-part deep dive into intimacy. The brothers define intimacy, likening it to a fire, discussing the differences and nuances between intimacy and vulnerability. They also talk about their first forays into intimacy many years ago and what the cornerstone of their most intimate relationships has been.
Many SSA/LGBT+ people struggle to find inclusion in the church — a safe place at least, and a nurturing place at best. This episode, we bring a very special guest onto the show. His name is Matt, who among other claims to fame (which we waste little time diving into), also pastors at Ryan's church and oversees Ryan's ministry to non-straight people, Intersect. We dive into their ministry relationship and overarching friendship, also discussing with Dean issues of sexuality, singleness, safety, and nurture of sexual minorities in the church.
Why do we choose a traditional, "Side B" sexual ethic as men who follow Jesus? Do we choose this life solely for our convictions or in spite of them? Do we live out a gay/SSA celibate life with joy or in angst and suffering? Tom welcomes Ryan and Matt for a discussion on why we're Side B, as opposed to "Side A" (gay-affirming), and where these labels even come from.
Change happens to all of us. Relational change. Spiritual change. Seasons of life that take us to the redemptive mountaintops and valleys of shadows. Tom welcomes Ryan and Dean for our first episode back after a monthlong hiatus. It's an episode of literal change with new sounds, new segments, and new features as we dive into a discussion on the most pivotal changes in our lives. We discuss our authors' retreat weekend, the inaugural Revoice conference, our first 1-star iTunes review, Tom's initial discovery of this Your Other Brothers community, Ryan's journey with body image, Dean's friendship with Tom's younger brother, and more.
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Tom Zuniga
YOB DIRECTOR, PODCASTER, BLOGGER
I’m an author of two memoirs, and I write and edit YOB’s blogs. I also love podcasting with the boyz! I’m an INFJ, Enneagram 4, and my spirit animal is the buffalo. I love traveling, and one of my greatest joys is anticipating the next big escapade. When I’m not wandering, I live in beautiful Asheville, North Carolina – the Jewel of the Blue Ridge. My favorite place in the world is the one where coffee and vulnerability meet. -
Ryan
PODCASTER, BLOGGER
Reporting LIVE from the tension between hope and reality, between longing and obedience: inveterate single, complete cheeseball, total nerd, bewildered homeowner, serial relaxer, and long-time Jesus-needer. I live in Raleigh, North Carolina, and I am a software developer by trade. My passion is helping non-straight followers of Jesus discover their place in the body of Christ. All my “comfort music” is about being far from home and/or returning home. I’m an Enneagram 9 if you’re into that sort of thing. I have recently started reading poetry for fun; please send me your recommendations! -
Matt
PODCASTER, BLOGGER
I’m the board chair of our nonprofit ministry, Your Other Family. I have a slight southern accent, an addiction to sweet tea, and a smile on my face every time I hear James Taylor sing about “going to Carolina.” The older I get, I find myself resonating more and more with that old “Footprints in the Sand” poem. And I love reflecting and writing about all the whens and the ways God has carried me. -
Eugene
BLOGGER
I’m a 30-something still trying to find my way in the world. Lover of all things creative, I am a drawer with an intuitive mind while also a deep thinker. I can be a person of extreme opposites: one moment a lone wolf, the next a social butterfly; one moment joyful and optimistic, yet sad and melancholic the next. As I came to terms with my SSA I met fellow SSA Christians and formed deep, intimate bonds. I’ve always longed for brotherhood and, at last, I have found it after years of social isolation. I am glad to be part of this community of bloggers and share my stories and struggles, joys and sorrows, dreams and longings. -
Alex
BLOGGER, PODCASTER
Calling in from Los Angeles, the City of Angels! Originally from a quiet town in Georgia, I answered God’s call to leave the green forests of my youth. I am a bi, Thai-American Christian with an itch for adventure, a knack for writing, a forever gamer, and a love of all things 80’s (primarily music and movies). After coming to terms with my sexuality in 2014, I wanted to share the story of how God walked through this journey with me. Following His lead to be an active member of the Side B Christian community, I want to create a bridge between the LGBTQ+ community and the Church, where queer people can learn about the God who loves them.
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Aaron
BLOGGER, PODCASTER
Financial professional by day and SSA author by night, I have the privilege of discussing people’s most private affairs: their money and their sexuality (though typically not at the same time). When I’m not discussing people’s darkest secrets, I am a reader, gamer, and enjoyer of the outdoors. For those who care, I am an ISFP and Enneagram Type 6; for those who don’t, suffice it to say I’m easy-going and enjoy both time alone and with friends. Jesus is the author of my story, and I look forward to sharing His work in my life!
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Andrew
BLOGGER, PODCASTER
Originally a Midwest native, I’m currently living my best life in SoCal, exploring the beauty of the world around me through poetry, prose, photography, and the eyes of others. When I’m not hanging out with the people I love, I can usually be found buying things I don’t need or gazing pensively out the nearest window. I hope my words can encourage you, wherever you are in your journey toward wholeness.
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Keegan
BLOGGER, PODCASTER
I’ve been involved with YOB for several years now. I’m in graduate school pursuing a Master of Social Work degree, and I like spending time with people I love, reading, poetry, and running. I was raised Catholic, falling in love with Jesus when I was fourteen. My journey of faith has also had a parallel journey with sexuality. It took me quite some time to sift it all out, but I currently identify as bisexual. I’m looking forward to having you along for this journey!
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Daniel
PODCASTER
I’m East Coast born, Midwest raised, now soaking up the San Diego sun. I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian home before wandering into the world of niche Reformed denominations – fluent in both fire-and-brimstone and obscure theological jargon. As a military kid, I learned how to keep moving. These days, I’m learning how to stay – to grow roots and unravel the tangle of lines that have shaped my faith, sexuality, and masculinity. I’m an Enneagram 9, perpetually retyping with Myers-Briggs, and powered by coffee, corgis, and whatever’s simmering on the stove. I may not have all the answers, but I’ll always bring something to the table – usually food.
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Dawson
PODCASTER
What I love more than anything are good stories. Regardless of what form they take, whether in conversations, books, movies, TV shows, or games, engaging with stories is my favorite pastime. I work as a SpEd teacher for middle school students, and I am passionate about kids ministry, making sure that children receive the love and care they need. I love long walks and long conversations, and I hate limits to what I can say or write (like the word count for this bio). And I enjoy watching the hallowed show, Survivor, and dissecting the strategy with friends and neighbors.
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Simon
BLOGGER, PODCASTER
I’m one of YOB’s non-Americans – a British guy living in rural Oxfordshire, England, where I work as a writer for a Christian charity. I have an identical twin (he’s straight) and grew up as a pastor’s kid, and both of those things continue to shape me in mostly positive ways. I’ll forever be battling through British reserve and fear of emotional honesty, but bear with me. Oh, and I love cats.
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Nhat
PODCASTER
As a married man in a mixed-orientation marriage, I once felt like this was a sacrificial burden I had to carry alone. But finding YOB showed me I didn’t have to bear this cross in isolation. I now get to walk this journey with other M.O.M.s. Since joining YOB, I’ve experienced blessing, healing, and growth – not only in my own life, but also in my marriage. My wife is so grateful I have this community to lean on. This life is a gift from the Lord, and in His goodness I’ve learned to enjoy deep friendship and brotherhood without shame.
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What draws us to the beauty of men? Do we engage it or run far from it? Join Tom, Ryan, and Matt for a discussion on masculine beauty! Learn why this topic has become something of Ryan’s “brand,” including a perspective shift that’s helped many members of our YOB community. We talk about navigating the tension between admiration and lust, gratitude and envy, and participation and insecurity in our interactions with the beautiful men around us. How do we direct our observations of masculine beauty back to the Creator?