The Futility of New Year’s Resolutions for Faith, Sexuality, and Masculinity

A lot has been written about New Year's resolutions. This blog will not be another to add to the lofty (usually unrealistic) goals that many well-meaning people compile annually. Instead, I practice my own sacred tradition that I’ve gotten down to an art form — that of attempting to remember to write the new year instead of the old year. I fear that I burn so much cognition on this annual behavior that I leave very little room for other activities that the rest of the civilized world deems urgent, such as setting goals that will be completely abandoned by Valentine’s Day.

I wonder, dear reader, if you are also like me in keeping this tradition of breaking New Year’s resolutions? It seems to be a popular hobby, especially during these winter months.

As I consider my history with broken New Year’s resolutions, I notice that they almost always fall into the three categories of faith, sexuality, and masculinity. This is true of resolutions I made many years ago, even before I heard of YOB and was simply trying to organize my life goals as best I knew in such a way that honored Jesus.

FAITH RESOLUTIONS

For many years, I set the goal to read the entire Bible in a year. Don’t get excited — I haven’t met that goal yet! I always get stuck in the book of Numbers with all the census data, lists, and well … numbers. All humor aside, my desire to read the entire Bible in a year’s time is only a small representation of my true desire: to know the Lord better in a more personal way. That resolution doesn’t have a time limit.

However, this fact does not stop me from getting caught up in the cycle of creating a list to accomplish, rather than simply spending time with the Lord. In the past I have felt guilt (not conviction, but its evil counterfeit) after an evening of slips with pornography.

I certainly shouldn’t — and indeed can’t bring myself to — read Scripture now, I’ve thought to myself.

As I have reflected on these earlier times, I now hold to the conviction that indeed a sinful circumstance such as this warrants that I turn to Jesus even more, not hiding my sin, in much the same manner that Adam and Eve hid with fig leaves.

MASCULINITY RESOLUTIONS

I have also set goals for my masculinity, which ironically feels mostly out of my control. I will probably blog more about body image another time, but for now I’ll say that, as a disabled queer man, my masculinity is an issue that runs deep in my psyche. It often affects areas of my life that I only notice when I’m pressed to examine them.

One winter as the new year waved its magic spell over me, I decided to join a gym and “really” get in shape. What happened was nothing less than a sense of dread after work as I realized I needed to “hit the gym,” along with the frustration that I had signed up to pay monthly for a “service,” which I now felt obligated to use. I guess my disabled body got in shape to some degree, but the results certainly didn’t meet my unrealistic expectations.

I made the mistake that I have made many times in my life — I compared my body to other men’s.

When I compare myself with other men, one of two things always happens: either I fare worse than whomever I am comparing myself (thus sinking me into despair for not measuring up), or I fare better than whomever I am comparing myself (thus causing me to be prideful). In the case of my gym experience, I probably made some minor progress physically, but oddly enough I suffered a great deal emotionally.

On the rare occasions when I have met whatever aspirations set for myself, in a new year or otherwise, those accomplishments have only served to turn myself into a Pharisee. In my mind, I’d created a secret list of how I was making “progress” as I also secretly compared myself to others. It was one of the most un-Christian lists I have ever made. This unhealthy behavior also led to a complete meltdown of missing the mark as I failed to meet these unrealistic goals.

I completely disregarded grace — possibly the entire gospel altogether. 

TO DO OR NOT TO DO RESOLUTIONS?

So, Sam, are you saying that we should not set goals or resolutions to challenge and grow our faith, masculinity, and sexuality? Of course not! What I do propose, though, is that the true goal be growth in grace and faith, which is certainly too complicated to be measured in ways that yield a simple “yes” or “no” response.

Growth is broader than a list of improved behaviors that become the focus (dare I say idol?) for a year, six months, or any other period of time.

Instead, perhaps it would be more admirable if we “focus on the race set before us,” to quote Saint Paul, and follow Jesus.

How do you approach goals or resolutions, whether at the start of a new year or elsewhere? What do you resolve to accomplish or experience in the realms of faith, sexuality, and masculinity?