Admittedly, I am only two weeks into my new bearded life. Fear not, this post isn’t the equivalent of someone getting married and writing a “Why Marriage is a Struggle and Why I’m Great at It” how-to guide. I have no tips on growing or maintaining facial hair. But I have had some complex feelings around growing a beard and what that says about my masculinity.

Our biggest culture war debates lately have been raging over transgender issues, including gender identity and gender norms. One side says that gender is just a social construct with purely subjective expressions, while another says this is the nihilistic death of traditional masculinity and femininity. Either way the debate rages, is there a line between proper “masculine” or “feminine” gender expression? Or should there even be a line?

This complicated relationship with masculinity has followed me throughout my life, especially as I've gradually come to terms with what it means to be a gay man following Jesus. Even now, I struggle to use the word "man" to describe myself. I can come to terms with the word "gay" or the word "Christian," but "man" doesn't feel like something I am.