Admittedly, I am only two weeks into my new bearded life. Fear not, this post isn’t the equivalent of someone getting married and writing a “Why Marriage is a Struggle and Why I’m Great at It” how-to guide. I have no tips on growing or maintaining facial hair. But I have had some complex feelings around growing a beard and what that says about my masculinity.

When I decided to commit myself to celibacy as a gay Christian, one prayer became the focus of my personal prayer life. Not having a boyfriend or a husband? That was difficult, but it didn’t cut to the heart of how I envisaged my life. But not having children? That was the real thorn in my flesh.